


The Hum and Ring of the Broken Strings

by canyousonicmedoctor



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/F, terminal illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-17 13:09:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canyousonicmedoctor/pseuds/canyousonicmedoctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When she thinks of Cosima she thinks of stolen wine and truffles and eskimo pies. And the disease that forced the brown-haired girl to come here. Too little, too late, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hum and Ring of the Broken Strings

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just going to go ahead and apologize in advance for this fic. If death or blood is a trigger for you, I would strongly suggest not reading this. Rated M for mature themes about death.

Delphine pushes through the too white doors of the hospital. The color is supposed to comfort, she supposes. The white making one think of cleanliness and healing. It looks too sterile to her. Too stark and cold and it pains her to think of Cosima in a place like this when the girl is so different from the white of the hospital.

When she thinks of Cosima she thinks of stolen wine and truffles and eskimo pies. And the disease that forced the brown-haired girl to come here. Too little, too late, though.

After weeks upon weeks of searching, both she and Cosima had come up empty handed and there was nothing left to do except let the doctors try and help. Try to stop it from worsening into what it is now. Even for that, Cosima had waited until Delphine had to practically force her to the hospital. It hadn’t taken much, with how weak she had been. That was eleven days ago.

Delphine visits every day. She would stay all the time if she weren’t restricted to visiting hours. The only thing that keeps her from fighting the nurses and orderlies who make her leave is that she knows Cosima’s family is there with her and Sarah and Alison visit when they can. She couldn’t bare the thought of Cosima being alone, even for a second.

Cosima’s mother and father had flown out the moment they had heard what was going on. She didn’t know if they had known about Cosima’s condition before and she didn’t want to ask. They certainly know now.

When she steps into Cosima’s room Delphine sees that she’s awake. She smiles and holds up the bag she brought with her. “I brought you something,” she tells Cosima in lieu of a proper hello. When she’s near enough to the bed she leans down and kisses her softly. With Cosima’s worsening condition, neither of them had thought it relevent to linger on what had happened between them before.

“It wouldn’t happen to be some weed, would it?” Cosima asks cheekily. Her voice is slightly hoarse from the coughing but Delphine doesn’t comment on it. Instead she looks around, scandilized and making sure there wasn’t anyone lingering outside the door that had overheard.

“No, you cheeky girl,” Delphine grins and produces a small box of truffles from the bag. She places it on the bed and opens the lid. She selects one for herself and bites into it. It’s caramel, Cosima’s favorite, and she gives the other half to the other girl. Cosima pops it into her mouth and chews happily.

“Thanks, Del,” she grins and opens her mouth to continue but instead she begins to cough. Moving quickly, Delphine grabs a tissue off the table and hands it to Cosima who takes it and covers her mouth. She hadn’t quite been quick enough and a bit of blood had splattered onto the white of the hospital sheets. Delphine tries not to look at it.

Instead, she rubs Cosima’s back through the fit, murmuring soft words in both French and English until it’s over and Cosima slumps back against the pillow out of breath. Delphine takes the tissue and tosses it in the trash while Cosima wipes her mouth.

“Sorry,” Cosima croaks and Delphine shakes her head and places a kiss against her hairline. Cosima had taken up a habit of apologizing for her illness and Delphine always corrected her when she did.

“Do not be, ma chérie,” she whispers as she rests her head on top of Cosima’s. It was hard enough watching Cosima get worse before her eyes. She didn’t need the girl apologizing for it.

At that moment, her mother comes in with Cosima’s dinner. “Bonjour Mrs. Niehaus,” Delphine smiles and straightens up.

“Hello dear,” the older lady smiles tightly back as she sets the tray down on the bedside table.

“Hi mom,” Cosima manages past a small cough. The small cough turns into another fit, just minutes after the last one. They keep getting closer and closer together.

The same routine ensues of getting Cosima a tissue and then waiting for it to be over. Delphine notices how pale Cosima is and the sadness in her mother’s eyes. “I’ll be back in a moment,” she promises, wanting to let Cosima and her mother have some time to themselves.

Delphine sits in one of the chairs outside of the room and she tries to hold back her rising emotions. She gets them somewhat under control when Cosima’s father drops down next to her. She thinks about saying something but doesn’t exactly trust her voice at the moment.

“She needs you, you know,” Mr. Niehaus tells her rather than say hello. Delphine looks up with a small smile. She liked Mr. Niehaus from the start. Even though he wasn’t actually related to Cosima, she could see a lot of him in Cosima. “She’s fighting so hard for you.”

Delphine isn’t sure what to say to that, so she simply nods her head and lets her head fall into her hands. She takes deep breaths trying to fight back tears. She hears footsteps and she looks up in time to see Cosima’s doctor approaching them. She moves to get up- she doesn’t want to intrude by staying to hear whatever the doctor has to say- but Mr. Niehaus puts a hand on her arm to get her to stay and she slips back into her seat without comment.

“I’m sorry, I wish I had better news,” the doctor begins and Delphine holds her breath. If he had to begin with that... “The time between her attacks are getting shorter and she’s loosing more and more blood with each one.” The man- Doctor Easton- looks rather apologetic now, causing Delphine’s grip on the armrests to tighten further. “There’s a high chance she won’t make it through the night. I’m sorry.” With that, he places his chart in the holder on the door and walks away.

Delphine doesn’t even notice the tears slipping down her cheeks until the doctor is gone. She reaches up and hastily wipes at her cheeks. She has no business breaking down in front of Cosima’s father. Not now.

Mr. Niehaus looks at her with pained eyes. “I’ll convince the staff to let you stay tonight,” he promises as he stands, scrubbing a hand over his face. Delphine nods and stands as well, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. “Merci,” she breathes and pulls away to wipe at her eyes once more. He pops his head into the room and calls out Cosima’s mother. Delphine slips in as the other woman steps out, not wanting to intrude on anything.

Cosima is reclining against the pillows, her eyes shut and her dark dreds fanned out, stark contrast to the white pillowcase and sheets. She can smell the antiseptic of hand sanitizer, probably used after a coughing fit. Remembering what the doctor had just told her, she feels tears well in her eyes and is just happy that Cosima isn’t looking at her.

There’s already a chair by the bed and Delphine slides into it quietly, not wanting to disturb Cosima. She reaches over and folds one of the brunette’s hands in her own. She holds her tears in just in case Cosima wakes up anytime soon. Selfishly, she wants to wake the girl and tell her just so that she knows how little time they have left together. She knows that Cosima’s exhausted from everything and wouldn’t dare wake her, much less tell her. She doesn’t think she could survive watching Cosima realize what her words would mean.

While she waits for Cosima to wake, she studies the clone, commits everything about her to memory. The little ring in her nose, her hair, the curve of her lips. Every detail she can because she doesn’t think she’ll be able to face Sarah or Alison after this. All she’ll be able to see in them is Cosima and being reminded of her every time one of them walks in a room would be far to painful to bear, even for her.

She’s not entirely sure how long she stays there simply stares at Cosima but she only looks away when her parents walk into the room. Her mother’s eyes are red but Delphine doesn’t say anything and they don’t offer up anything to talk about either.

Cosima stirs and Delphine straightens up. “Bonsoir, ma chérie,” she whispers and breaks the silence that had settled around the small group. Cosima turns her head toward the blonde and smiles tiredly. “Hey,” she greets looking past her at her parents as well. Her voice is raspier than Delphine has ever heard it and her throat constricts painfully.

“How’re you feeling?” Mrs. Niehaus asks as she walks over to the bed. Delphine doesn’t miss the flicker of desperation in the woman’s eyes, but she hopes that Cosima doesn’t notice.

“I’m feeling alright,” Cosima responds weakly and Delphine sees right through the lie. “I just need to rest some more is all.” Cosima covers her mouth with her free hand as she coughs once, twice, and wipes the blood on the napkin at her side without even a second glance.

“Then rest, honey. You do what you have to do,” Mr. Niehaus assures her. He squeezes Cosima’s hand, the one not in Delphine’s at the moment.

“Why don’t you guys head back to the hotel? It’s getting late anyway,” Cosima suggests. There was really no reason for her parents to argue without giving something away. It was gone eleven and even if Cosima didn’t know exactly why, Delphine was sure she could see that her parents look exhausted.

Mr. Niehaus exchanges a look with her that Delphine doesn’t quite understand at first, but he looks away before she can fully analyze it. “We’ll be back in the morning, sweetheart,” he promises and kisses Cosima’s forehead.

“We’ll be here when you wake up,” Mrs. Niehaus continues, her eyes slightly watery as she moves away from the bed. “Goodbye, honey.”

“Bye mom. Bye dad,” Cosima responds as they back out of the room. The brunette collapses into a coughing fit much worse than the last the moment the door swings shut. Apparently Cosima had been holding it back for her parent’s sake. By the time it is over, the clone is visibly paler and slumps back against the pillow facing Delphine. “So how come you’re still here. Visiting hours are way over, right?”

“Oui,” Delphine responds, her chest tight with grief just waiting to spill over. “Your father convinced the staff to let me stay the night,” she explains, resting her head on the railing of the bed. Cosima’s eyes are slipping closed as she speaks. “I can tell you’re tired, my love. You should try to sleep.”

Cosima nods without opening her eyes and tightens her grip on Delphine’s hand. “Lay with me?” Cosima asks drowsily. Delphine doesn’t respond as she climbs into the small hospital bed with the brunette. There isn’t much room and Cosima is half on top of her, but she’s so grateful for the contact that she can’t be bothered to care.

Delphine’s hands stroke over Cosima’s back as she feels the girl’s breathing even out. She doesn’t allow herself to fall asleep until she’s absolutely sure that Cosima is out. Burying her face in Cosima’s neck, she breathes in the familiar scent of her lover as she drifts off to a rather restless sleep.

She wakes sometime later as the body underneath her jerks. She sits up immediately and grabs a fresh tissue for Cosima, who is laying down and coughing like she was trying not to wake Delphine.

“Here,” she whispers, helping Cosima into a sitting position as the girl’s body spasms with the force of the cough. Just when Delphine thinks that the fit is over, a fresh wave begins. It goes on for a few minutes at least and the tissue in Cosima’s hand is saturated with blood. Delphine watches, helpless as the tears slip down her face. At least in the dark they won’t be as visible.

Cosima tosses the tissue to the side when it becomes useless, gathing up a handful of the bedsheet to use instead. Delphine watches as the white slowly becomes stained with red. She doesn’t stop talking to Cosima throught the fit and when the brunette finally sits back, her mouth is ringed with the redness that coats the hospital sheet. Delphine moves to get up and fetch a nurse because Cosima really doesn’t look well but a hand circling her wrist stops her.

“Don’t go. Please,” Cosima begs. Delphine nods and lays back down as Cosima begins to cough again. This time the girl doesn’t even bother to sit up and the attack passes much quicker than the last.

“I love you, Delphine,” Cosima whispers into the darkness and Delphine realizes that the words sound an awful lot like a goodbye. “Thank you for being with me.”

“Shhh, ma chérie, just go back to sleep,” Delphine urges her. She’s not ready for this. She’ll never be ready, honestly.

“No Delphine, please listen. I love you. I’m sorry-” Cosima stops to cough again just once but the blood that is expelled from her mouth is enough to soak through another tissue. “Just tell my parents I’m sorry, yeah?” Cosima asks her and Delphine nods numbly, cradling Cosima’s face in her hands. She doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t want to say anything. She wants Cosima to take back what she’s said because she shouldn’t be sorry about anything.

Before she can even try to think of anything, Cosima jerks up again, coughing and coughing until Delphine is sure it is all she will be able to hear for days to come.

When Cosima lays back, Delphine doesn’t give her a chance to wipe her mouth before she is there. She kisses away the metallic tang until her lungs are screaming for air that she doesn’t want to give them. “I love you too. I love you so, much,” she whispers into Cosima’s neck as she feels the girl’s breathing grow shallower. Only this time it’s not from desire or any feeling Delphine has produced within her. She wants to beg Cosima not to leave her, to just keep fighting it for a little while longer even though she knows she would only be prolonging both Cosima’s suffering and her own heart ache.

Delphine’s heart stops- or rather, she wishes it would have- when she no longer feels Cosima’s chest rising and falling underneath her. She doesn’t want to look, doesn’t have to to know that Cosima is...She doesn’t let herself finish the thought even as her tears begin slipping down her cheeks in earnest. Without reason to hide them any longer, Delphine sobs freely against Cosima’s neck like she had wanted to do when the doctor had walked up to her hours ago.

She knows she’ll have to tell Cosima’s parents. She knows that she’ll have to leave this bed, and Cosima, when the doctor comes to see his patient. She has until the morning to grieve without prying eyes, curled up beside Cosima. She gives herself that much, these moments on her own in the too white hospital under the red stained sheets, wishing it were easy enough for her to follow her lover into the darkness and leave behind everything else.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I didn't damage anyone too badly emotionally! I have a rather silly and crack-y crossover fic in the works so hopefully that will make up for this fairly soon!


End file.
